VAETCHANAN 5779
Yesterday the Jewish world celebrated one of its most unusual holidays. Does anyone know what it was? That’s right, Tu B’Av, the 15th day of the Jewish month of Av. Never heard of it? That’s alright because it’s not a major holiday, but it is Judaism’s most romantic holiday. Now I’ve got your attention.
In the Talmud (Taanit 31a), Rabbi Shimon ben Gamaliel taught: “There never were in Israel greater days of joy than Tu B’Av...On these days, the daughters of Jerusalem used to walk out in white garments…and danced in the vineyards, exclaiming: ‘Young men, lift up your eyes and see who to choose for yourself.’” It was like a Jewish Sadie Hawkins Day. Today it is not unusual for Jewish couples to get engaged or married on Tu B’Av.
I was contemplating on Tu B’Av yesterday just how lucky I am to be romantically involved with the most beautiful and compassionate woman, when I read a news story about this weekend also being the 50th Anniversary of Woodstock—another festival of peace, love. Woodstock was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that shook this country to its core. It—more than anything else—typified the radical changes that were occurring in the very fabric of America. There were a ½ million people there coexisting on little more than good Karma, drugs and rock ‘n roll—and among them, yes, I must confess, I was there!
Yes, I was there. You can tell all your friends that your rabbi was at Woodstock. How many people can make that claim? No, I wasn’t a participant. You see my parents rented a bungalow every summer at Lapidus Bungalow Colony in White Lake, NY for over 20 years. Max Yasgur’s farm at Beth El, NY, was on the other side of the Lake. So many people came that there was a shortage of food and facilities, so we went to the main road to give out food and water. On Shabbos, I walked to Kauneonga on the northern side of the lake to shul in my platform shoes and bell-bottom pants. On the way I had to step over body after body lying in the road—and some of them actually had clothes on! And there was this funny smell in the air everywhere.
Woodstock was a phenomenon, but it’s clear that many who write nostalgically of its peace and love now also write about politics today with such hate and vitriol. They heard what went on, but didn’t listen to the message of peace and love!
The story is told of a psychologist who was asked by a friend, “Tell me, how can you listen hour after hour, day after day, week after week, to people who pour out their frustrations and tales of woe from the couch?”
To which the psychologist replied, “Who listens?”
Yes, who bothers to listen anymore? We all know arrogant and opinionated people who are so swollen with pride—who think they know everything—that they refuse to listen to anyone. Then there are those who are so preoccupied with themselves and only listen to people and media that think like they do—that they’re deaf to the rest of the world. And then there is a 3rd category to which most of us belong: those who are so busy listening to words and sounds that don’t really deserve a hearing—like words of nonsense, malice and greed that passes for news on TV—we have little time or patience for words that could make a difference.
There is yet a th category: those who hear but don’t listen. I’m sure you’ve had the experience of talking to a neighbor or a friend, noticing an empty stare. His/her mind is miles away. He seems to hear only the sounds, so you interrupt asking, “Hey, are you listening, are you really listening?” And even if the answer is yes, you have the feeling that you’re wasting your breath.
One wonders with all the crazy shootings lately—the latest just the other day in Philadelphia—would some of the killers have behaved differently if the people they had come in contact with would have really listened to them?
How many teachers spend a great deal of time preparing lessons only to be rewarded with bored expressions from their students? They’re simply not listening. Someone suggested that just as there are public speaking courses at colleges, so should there be listening courses—on how not only to hear but to listen.
Have you ever watched the United Nations in session? There are representatives of various nations who talk; others who are presumably listening and still others who make no pretense of listening but are either talking, dozing or are plugged into their I-phones. They all stress the principles of democracy and peace in the U.N. Charter, but everyone knows the words are meaningless.
The big news this week was the bruhaha over the visit to Israel of Congresswomen Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib. They were granted permission to enter Israel with the Congressional delegation last week. Instead, they decided to go on a special trip just to the Palestinian territories so they could call attention to the plight of the Palestinian cause and condemn Israel. They, Gd forbid, did not want to hear Israel’s side of the conflict that they would have also heard on the Congressional delegation. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu then said they would not be allowed to enter because, “it became clear that they were planning a campaign whose sole purpose was to strengthen the boycott and negate Israel’s legitimacy.”
Tlaib then sent a formal request to Minister of the Interior Aryeh Deri to visit her Palestinian grandmother in the West Bank who is in her 90’s. “This could be my last opportunity to see her, she wrote. “I will respect any restrictions and I will not promote any boycotts against Israel during my visit.”
But no sooner was she granted permission, then she abruptly canceled her visit, prompting this response from Aryeh Deri: I approved her request as a gesture of goodwill on a humanitarian basis, but it was just a provocative request, aimed at bashing the State of Israel. In other words, she never had any intention of coming. She just wanted to bait Israel into refusing her request to see her aging grandmother. And here comes Deri’s brilliant conclusion: Apparently her hate for Israel overcomes her love for her grandmother. Tlaib heard Israel’s compassionate response to her plea to see her grandmother, but she really didn’t listen!
In my experience as a rabbi and therapist I have learned that in most instances, the trouble in relationships is caused by a breakdown in communications: Husbands and wives who don’t listen to each other. Instead of talking they shout, and instead of listening they whimper and sulk. It never ceases to amaze me how people will say and do things to their loved ones that they would never say or do to a stranger.
How often do parents and children not listen to each other? Have you ever heard this one: “Leave me alone,” a child will cry. “It’s my life and I’ll do what I want when and where I want to!” But at whose expense?
A young girl was talking to her mother while her mother was looking at FaceBook on her phone. The girl became angry and said, “Mother, you’re not listening to me!”
“Yes, I am,” responded the mother.
“But mother,” the child persisted, “you’re not listening with your eyes.”
A man once confided in me that he came to America from Poland during the Great Depression. He worked hard and did well for himself. In 1939 he received an urgent letter from his only brother in Poland who begged for an affidavit for himself, his wife and 2 children to come to America. But he was reluctant to assume the financial responsibility at that time. Then the war broke out and his brother and family were cremated at Auschwitz. His conscience gave him no peace. If he only had listened!
The 50th anniversary celebrations of Woodstock kicked of Thursday night with a concert by Arlo Guthrie. Ringo Starr, Santana, John Fogerty and others will be headlined over the weekend. You can call me an old hippie, but I think together with Tu B’Av the message of the week is a message we all need more than ever: “Peace and Love.” My friends, let’s look upon each other—whether we agree or disagree with each other’s politics—with love and treat each other peacefully—absent of all the hatred and vitriol of our world.
Today’s Torah portion contains the Shema Yisrael (Listen Israel). It’s not a coincidence that this, our most important prayer, urges us to 1st listen and really hear. May we heed this advice. Amen!
