VAYECHI 5782

         What Are You Waiting For? Write Your Ethical Will

        In this week’s Torah portion, we read the 1^st ethical will ever recorded. Father Jacob, before he dies, gathers his children around his bedside and, one by one, he blesses them, chastises them and instructs them in how to live after he’s gone. He challenges them to live up to their Gd-given potential. This is the origin of what has become a beautiful Jewish custom. 

Down through the centuries, Jewish fathers and mothers have written love letters—to be opened up after they’re gone—in which they try to tell their children and their grandchildren what they have learned in life, and what they want for them and from them after they’re gone.

This custom is having a kind of revival in our time. In the early years of my rabbinate, there were parents who left such letters. There are still parents who leave such letters, but now more common are parents who leave videos—and their families treasure them. Let me suggest that you consider writing such a letter or making such a video on your phone to leave behind for those whom you love. You don’t have to be a professional writer to write an ethical will. As the Talmud (Brachot 6b) teaches: “Words that come from the heart enter the heart,”. Some of the most moving wills that I have ever read come from plain, ordinary people.

It isn’t easy to write an ethical will or a script for such a video—this I know. To do so, you must come to terms with your own mortality. And you must think long and hard about what you want to say, and what you really believe in. You need to think about what you have learned in life that is most important to you; what are the values by which you have tried to live by that you want your children and their children to understand and carry on? You learn a lot about yourself when you try to do an ethical will. It isn’t easy—but it’s certainly worthwhile.

In order to help you with this, let me share with you 2 ethical wills found in my colleague, Rabbi Jack Reimer’s books on ethical wills. The 1^st was written by a man who was 52-years-old. He was dealing with cancer and so this letter is real honest. He was a Baal Teshuvah—one who came to an appreciation of Judaism late in life, but who had enormous enthusiasm and commitment. His will is upbeat, and wise, and I think that we, as much as his children, have much to learn from it:

         My life has not been easy. The members of my family when I was growing up added new meaning to the term, Meshugener. On the one hand, I feel that every one of them did their best. I fall into the same category. There is much that I would do differently—if I was then who I am now. These words are addressed especially to my children. I apologize for many of the things that you lived through as kids and the baggage that you carry as adults.

         On the other hand, the past was a blessing because you can see from my life that no one is bound to spend his whole life on a single path. We can all change. I am living proof—no pun intended—that you can be what you want to be. It takes work and tenacity. That is the key character trait that I got from my father. I could not have asked for anything more valuable.

         Vince Lombardi said that the game doesn’t go to the fastest or strongest man, but to the one who thinks he can. Play the hand that you are dealt by life. Keep the good cards and discard the rest. My Dad was a good poker player. Though I don’t play cards, I have learned which cards to keep and which to throw...

        I want you to remember me. I worked, I did. I am a person who became what he could not, who did what he was not able to, who developed a dream and made it a reality. I may die from this cancer. I don’t fight it. I learned to give up fighting a long time ago. I spend my time and heart simply loving. And by living—loving you. I leave you my legacy—that the story of the rising of the phoenix can be true. It worked, I did it.

         As important as each of you are to me, there is more. There is my Jewishness and the world. Until a few years ago, my Jewishness was repressed, never developed. But thank Gd, I now see that my Yiddishkeit was always there. I hope for the community that you will each work at ensuring the continuity of our 3,000-year-old story and will help redefine it so that your children will have its benefits at a younger age than I did. 

         Please remember, we are bound together, and you must do all that you can to make our dreams a reality. Our Jewish heritage has always been changing, based on what came before, and on where we are now. I ask you to work at making it more engaging, more vibrant, more inclusive. Thank you.

The 2^nd ethical will comes from a man who is in a very different physical and spiritual place. He is a light-hearted man, one who often writes parodies and Purim songs. But in this ethical will, he does not kid around. Listen to what he writes:

         If I had only 10 minutes to live, what would I share with my loved ones? What did I do in my life that I was satisfied with, proud of? What didn’t I do, or not do enough of, that I would want my loved ones to learn from?

         LOVE MORE. Receive more. Give more. Express it openly and in ways that no one will ever know about.

         CARE MORE. Share Gd’s blessings that you have received with others. Don’t just give money; make sure that it is helping those in need.

         LAUGH MORE. Life was created for Gd’s pleasure. Gd’s enjoyment increases when we laugh and enjoy the lives that were given to us.

         BE A MENSCH. If you love, care, share and laugh, you will be a mensch, a fully expressed human being. Your life will serve as a model for your children, and they too will be menschen. So, what I’m really saying is, make sure the members of our family are always menschen and “mentioned” in the Book of Life.

         Live more, love and laugh! Care and Share! I love you.

Do you find these 2 wills as powerful and as moving as I do? They say simple honest truths, the kind that it can take a lifetime of living to learn. On this Shabbat, when we read of Jacob’s ethical will—as we look back over the secular year that is closing quickly and look forward to the year ahead—let us think about what legacy we would want to leave to the ones we care about the most. Consider making an ethical will or video yourself. If you do, those whom you love will bless you for it. So, what are you waiting for? Amen!