VAYEYSHEV 5783

If Gd Knows What We Want, Why Pray?

There’s an old joke about an American Jew who comes to Jerusalem and prays his heart out at the Kotel—the Western Wall. Suddenly he hears the voice of Gd speaking to him, telling him how proud he is of all the good things he has done in his life. Gd then tells him He will grant him one request. The man thinks for a few moments about all the things he and his family could use, and then asks, quite unselfishly, “Please make peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians.”

         The voice responds, “You’re talking to a wall!”

When you pray, do your prayers seem to be landing on deaf ears, giving you the feeling that you’re talking to a wall? Have you prayed for something for years and it didn’t happen?

Well, that’s what seems to have happened to Joseph at least twice in our Torah portion. The 1^st time was when his brothers kidnapped him and sold him into slavery. The Torah (Gen. 37:24-27) tells us that the brothers put him in a pit while they sat down to eat and figure out what to do with him. Can you imagine hearing your brother screaming for help while you sit down to eat??

I imagine Joseph prayed for Gd to save him then…and prayed again throughout his journey to Egypt where he was sold to Potiphar. I imagine he continued to pray to be saved from servitude. When his master’s wife falsely accused him of attempted rape, I imagine he prayed again from jail to be set free.

Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt, in an article on aish.com asks: There is an obvious question regarding prayer: If Gd is omniscient, then He surely knows what we want. And if he knows what we want, why do we need to ask him for it?

         The question is even stronger than that. Not only does Gd know what we want, He knows what is best for us—what we need. And the 2 are often not the same. A person may want to win a fortune in the lottery. But how many lottery winners have found that the money has been more a curse than a blessing?

What would you prefer? What do you think is best for you? To win the lottery? Or, what Gd knows is best for you? If someone desperately wants to marry a certain person, but is infatuated and not seeing straight…if he were to pray to marry her and Gd were to listen and respond, he might end up in worse shape—in a painful and failed marriage with a broken home.

You know the adage, “Be careful what you pray for because Gd just might give it to you!” Sometimes the answer to our prayers includes things we don’t want—but actually need. It’s natural to pray for what we want because what we want looks like what’s best for us. But our vision is limited. Wouldn’t we be better off leaving that to Gd? So what would you prefer: What you think is best for you…or what Gd knows is best for you?

Also, sometimes Gd has a plan for your life and for the world and what you think is best may not fit that plan. Joseph needed to get down to Egypt—for himself and for the world. Joseph needed to be in prison to set in place his interpreting the dream of Pharoah’s butler who later would set up a meeting with Pharoah to interpret his dreams. This all led to Joseph becoming Prime Minister of Egypt and saving much of the world—including his family—from famine and starvation! And it started the events in motion that led to the family of Jacob becoming a nation—the People of Israel! Joseph thought he knew what he wanted when he prayed to Gd to free him, but Gd knew there were much better things for him right around the corner.

Our sages tell us Moses pleaded and prayed numerous times to Gd to allow him to enter the Promised Land—515 times! He didn’t ask to lead the people into the land, just to experience it—to reach the goal of his life’s work after 40 years as leader of the Jewish people. Then he could die content. But Gd had to tell him, “Enough! Don’t speak to Me anymore about this!” because if he had prayed just one more time, our Sages teach, Gd would have had to relent. Such is the power of prayer!

But why not allow Moses this one request? Because it was better for the people to have Joshua as their sole leader taking them into the land without Moses’ presence diminishing his leadership. Sometimes Gd’s answer must be, “No!”

In Kings II (20:1-6) the prophet Isaiah warned King Hezekiah he would soon die. This was a prophecy. Of course it had to come to pass. But according to the Talmud (Brachot 10a), the king dismissed him saying, “I have learned from the house of my father’s father (King David) that even if a sharp sword rests upon a person’s neck, he should NOT stop praying to Gd for mercy!” Hezekiah then prayed with all his heart and Gd granted him 15 more years to live. It seems prayer can be stronger than prophecy—even stronger than what Gd had intended. 

So, if your prayers seem to be giving you the feeling that you’re talking to a wall, could it be because your prayers are perfunctory? You may recite the proper words at the proper time, but do you really mean the words while you’re saying them? King David teaches in the Ashrey prayer (Psalm 145): Karov Hashem l’chol korav (Gd is near to all who call upon Him) l’chol asher yikra-uhu v’emet (to all who call upon Him in truth). We can get close to Gd, but we’ve got to make the call.

How many of us have prayed that someone who was ill might live and then he/she died? There’s a story of a little girl who cried the familiar lament: “I prayed that my grandmother should get all better and she died. How could Gd be so cruel?”

         Wisely her mother responded: “There are few deaths where no one prays for the one who is dying. Do you suppose that the gift of prayer was given to us in order that one may never die? Do you think Gd intended that we live on in growing infirmity, till at last we would pray for death to save ourselves from despair? Only Gd knows how to answer. Gd knows when to say, ‘No.’”

         “I see,” the skeptic might say. “If she gets better, it is Gd helping her, and if she dies, it is Gd saying, ‘No.’ How convenient!”

And I would say to the skeptic, “Yes, to a certain extent this is correct. Our sincere prayers from the depths of our hearts can have a profound influence upon Gd’s decrees, but sometimes it is time for someone to die, even though we may still need him/her. Gd does not always give us what we ask for. He gives us what is needed!  

Having said all this, we should be mindful of one more crucial element to getting what we ask for: we must not become too attached to the outcome. Once we pray to Gd and ask for what we want, we must, as the 12-step recovery slogan puts it, “Let go and let Gd.”

How many of us know of a couple who could not conceive a child and after many years of doctors and treatments finally decided to adopt? Then, not too long after the adoption, the woman became pregnant without any treatments. They simply let go and let Gd. This is a great spiritual truth: Do what you can to help your situation. Pray to Gd for help with all your heart, and then just let it go, give it to Gd to work out—you have done your part.

Sometimes Gd sends us on a detour or 2 towards our goals because He has other important things in mind for us to do along the way. This is what happened to Joseph, and this is what happens to us at times. But remember my friends, when our prayers don’t seem to be answered, Jewish tradition implores us, NEVER GIVE UP! As the Talmud urges: “If you pray and are not answered, pray again!” And as King Hezekiah suggests, “Even if the sword is on your neck, don’t stop praying!” To that let us all say, Amen!