VAYECHI 5783

Lies Come in Colors

Lies matter. Just ask George Santos. His lies were not sweet little lies like telling someone after a speech that they did great when they were merely ordinary. No, these were really big lies. And he won election to Congress from Long Island and Queens NY, from a Democratic district using those lies. Santos created an elaborate autobiography. To quote the New York Times: He is the son of Brazilian immigrants, and the first openly gay Republican to win a House seat as a non-incumbent. By his account, he catapulted himself from a New York City public college to become a “seasoned Wall Street financier and investor” with a family-owned real estate portfolio of 13 properties and an animal rescue charity that saved more than 2,500 dogs and cats.

That narrative, however, was almost all a lie. He even disguised himself as a Jew, claiming his “Jewish grandparents” fled Europe during World War II—that they were Holocaust survivors! In fact, his grandparents were not Jewish—but Brazilian Catholic! As Mark Oppenheimer quipped in the New York Times: “It’s noteworthy that in many cases, claiming to be a Jew doesn’t seem to benefit, exactly—but having a whiff of Jewish heritage or ancestry does.”

Now, of course, political lying is nothing new. Sen. Elizabeth Warren lied about her indigenous ancestry and Sen. Richard Blumenthal lied about serving in Viet Nam. Al Gore said he discovered the Internet! And many, many more.

Lies have been with us forever. Who was the 1^st person to lie? The 1^st person—Adam! When confronted by Gd after he disobeyed and ate from the Tree of Knowledge, he takes it like a man. He lies and blames it on his wife!

And we’re left with the question: Why do people lie? Sometimes people lie to save themselves—like Jews who lied about being Jewish in trying to escape the Nazis! Politicians like George Santos spin the truth or lie to get and stay in power. And we Jews have seen time and again lies about us because of hatred—especially directed against us. You’ve all heard the lies that the Jews run the world, the banks, the media, Israel is an apartheid state, etc.

The Torah (Ex. 23:7) commands us Midvar shecker tirchak (Distance yourself from falsehood). Yet our tradition has it that sometimes we should lie. The Talmud (Yevamot 65b) teaches: “It is acceptable to be less than honest in order to preserve peace.” Furthermore, the Talmud reminds us that Gd Himself lied for the sake of peace (Genesis 18). Upon hearing she was to have a child, Sarah scoffed believing that both she and Abraham were just too old to have children. Yet, when Gd confronted Abraham regarding his wife’s lack of faith, He omitted Sarah’s quip about her husband being too old and only mentioned that Sarah believed she was too old. Why? For the sake of Shalom Bayit (peace in the home).

With this in mind, we can make sense of the end of our Torah portion where Joseph’s brothers sent him, literally, an unbelievable message after the death of their father Jacob. The brothers feared that Joseph would use the death of Jacob as an opportunity to “settle the score” and take revenge on them for selling him into slavery many years before. They tell Joseph that Jacob had ordered them to relate the following message (Gen. 50:16) to Joseph: Your father gave orders before his death saying, “Thus shall you say to Joseph: ‘Please, kindly forgive the spiteful deed of your brothers and their sin for they have done you evil.’”

But the Torah never tells us that Jacob instructed the brothers to deliver any such message. It was obviously a lie. Rashi excuses this lie as an act performed for the sake of peace.

In a Peanuts cartoon, Charlie Brown says to Linus, “We’re supposed to write home to our parents and tell them what a great time we’re having here at camp.”

         Linus answers, “Even if we’re not? Isn’t that a lie?”

         Charlie Brown explains, “Well, it’s sort of a white lie.”

         To which Linus asks, “White lie? You mean lies come in colors?”

Yes, lies come in colors. In the Talmud (Ketubot 16b), Bet Shammai & Bet Hillel famously debate: Keytzad merakdin lifney hakalah (How does one dance before the bride)?” The debate asked: Should one lie and tell a bride she looks beautiful even if she doesn’t? Bet Hillel is of the view that regardless of how the bride appears, you should tell her she looks beautiful. Bet Shammai is concerned that by telling this white lie, you will transgress the command of mid’var sheker tirchak, distance yourself from falsehood. The Talmud rules in favor of Bet Hillel. It concludes, “One should shade the truth—even to tell a white lie—to spare the feelings of another.” And besides, what bride doesn’t look beautiful to her groom?

My friends, we are confronted with these kinds of situations all the time. Any parent holding his/her new-born child will tell you this baby is the most beautiful in the world. What do you say to that parent? “Of course she is!” What should we tell our children to say if they receive a gift they don’t want? Certainly, we should tell them to thank the giver and find some way to praise the gift—even if they must exaggerate.

Brutal honesty can be harsh. Shading the truth, or even telling a “white lie,” is appropriate as long as the aim is not self-serving, but simply to spare the feelings of another.

In the Uva l’Tziyon prayer after the weekday morning Amidah we say: Titeyn emet l’Yaakov (Attribute truth to Jacob)—that is, Jacob is the epitome of truth! But how can this be? Jacob deceived his father Isaac and stole his brother Esav’s blessing. However, Jacob had previously purchased the birth right from Esav. Jacob then merited receiving the blessing of Abraham—through Isaac—not Esav. Sometimes, in order to preserve a higher truth, one must act in a way that appears untruthful. Yes, kindness and peace takes precedence over truth at times, but only because kindness and peace can be a higher truth! 

One more thing. Notice the Torah doesn’t say, “Do not lie.” It says, “Distance yourself from falsehood.” No other prohibition in the Torah has such language. Perhaps such a warning is necessary when it comes to lies. People tend to justify lying by either claiming it’s a “little white lie,” and no one is going to be hurt by it, or it’s such a “big lie” that no one is going to believe it! “No,” says the Torah, “big lie…little lie…don’t fall into the trap…stay away—unless it’s to protect the peace or someone’s feelings.”

And finally, one more reason people lie is because they don’t know they’re lying! Sometimes people will lie to themselves and convince themselves they’re telling the truth! You know who’s like that? You are, and so am I!

If you were to ask me: What is the greatest type of liar in this world? I would say people who lie to themselves. The Kotzker Rebbe teaches a wonderful insight from the commandment lo tignov (Thou shall not steal) from the 10 Commandments: “Thou shall not steal means thou shalt not steal from thyself.” In other words, don’t delude yourself!

We lie to ourselves so much. We lie about our children—who and what they really are. We lie to ourselves about our relationship with others. Often, in the heat of disagreements, we think the worst of people, being unable to see that usually we have a share of the blame. Truth be told, we are not as innocent and pure as we make ourselves out to be, just as we are not as bad as we sometimes think we are.

The Psalmist (15:2) speaks of doveyr emet bilvavo (speaking the truth in one’s heart). Know thyself, telling the truth to yourself, is the foundation for change and growth. And this is the lesson George Santos needs to learn above all else. Amen!