EMOR 5783

Mulligans and Do-overs

Think about a time when you really messed-up in your life—with a relationship, with a job or an investment. Now think about how much would you pay for what golfers call “a mulligan”—to have a chance to have a do-over? Some people say there are no mulligans in life. “It’s now or never.” King Solomon tells us in Ecclesiastes (1:15): “That which is crooked cannot be made straight.” In other words, we better get things right the 1^st time around because there are no 2^nd chances! The Torah, however, says differently. 

You might be surprised to learn that yesterday, many Jews around the world made a special point of eating matzah! Yes, just last month, after spending a week eating matzah brei, matzah farfel, matzah latkes, matzah balls and of course, the newest craze—matzah pizza—commemorating the Exodus of the Jews from Sicily … yesterday, many Jews ate matzah once again. Yesterday was a unique day on the Jewish calendar. It was Pesach Sheyni, the 2^nd Passover.

What’s Pesach Sheyni, the 2^nd Passover? Next month we’ll read in the Torah (Num. 9:6-11) about a group of Jews who approached Moses and told him that they had been unable to offer the Pascal lamb on the 14^th day of Nisan for Passover, because they were in a state of ritual impurity. For example, they could have just buried a family member and as a result of contact with the dead, they became impure. Or, perhaps they couldn’t offer the Passover lamb it because they were away and couldn’t make it back to the Mishkan/Holy Temple in time. Did they have to wait another year to experience the joy of a full Passover celebration? After consulting Gd, Moses revealed to them the concept of Pesach Sheyni—the 2^nd Passover: that if for some reason one could not celebrate Passover on the 14^th day of Nisan, one can get another chance a month later on the 14^th day of Iyar. Yes, you can have a mulligan in life—a do-over! 

I once read the story of Jewish soldiers in WWII who spent the Seder nights one year in an intense battle that lasted for several days. It was impossible to have any sort of Seder. But a month later on Pesach Sheyni, their Jewish chaplain held a very special Seder with them.

I know of a man who had a heart attack just before Passover and spent the Seder nights in the hospital with his family. There was no Seder. But a month later, at home and on the way to recovery, he and his family gathered for a full Seder on Pesach Sheyni—giving special thanks to Gd for his healing. Yes, there can be mulligans and do-overs in life!

The fact of the matter is, we all know people who were able to seize upon the opportunity for a 2^nd chance. There was a fascinating article by Elizabeth Bernstein in the Wall Street Journal about a group of such people, titled: “Back to Happily Ever After.” It told of marriages that had been torn apart when it was discovered that one of the spouses was having an affair. Certainly, the shock and pain and anger, the sense of betrayal can ruin any marriage. But, as a marriage therapist I can tell you, it doesn’t have to—and it doesn’t always. In many instances, people can pick up the pieces and start again. Ok, it’s not with the carefree spirit of the 1^st time around. But still, you have an opportunity to live happily ever after. As Bernstein wrote: “Counselors say it is possible to repair a relationship after infidelity, but only if both parties are willing to work hard and honestly acknowledge shortcomings in the relationship and in themselves.”

All of us would like a 2^nd chance at something. But you’ve got to want to do it—really want to do it! Perhaps, this is the only explanation for Pesach Sheyni. Think about it. We have many holidays throughout the year. But with none of them are we given a 2^nd chance. If we miss it the 1^st time around, there’s no such thing as a do-over! You didn’t hear the shofar on Rosh Hashanah? You didn’t fast on Yom Kippur? You didn’t build a Sukkah? Why not do it next month?? No, says the Torah, you can’t. Once it has passed, it’s passed!!

Why did Gd respond positively when those Jews asked for a 2^nd chance regarding Passover? Perhaps the reason is because only with Passover did the Jews ask for it! Only then did they show that they really wanted to correct this. And when they asked for it, they got it!

If you think about it, the fact of the matter is, with more and more people living longer and longer these days, many of us are being given 2^nd chances in life. Those of us who feel they have not succeeded in raising our children the way they should have, well, Yogi Berra was right: “It’s not over till it’s over.” There may not be much time, but there’s still time for a do-over! There’s still time to heal the wounds and make apologies and come closer to our children, to our spouses, to our siblings, to our friends. If you didn’t have the closest relationship with your son or daughter, maybe if you reach out, you can have a do-over. Maybe you can have a better relationship with your son-in-law or daughter-in-law.

If we messed up with our children, Gd gives us a 2^nd chance—He gives us grandchildren. If you were too strict with your children, you can indulge your grandchildren. If you were too busy working to make a living to have time for your children, you can make it up by taking time with your grandchildren. If you didn’t give your children enough candy, and as a result they have teeth that suffer from a lack of chocolate, you can make up for it by giving plenty of tootsie rolls and M&Ms to your grandchildren.

My friends, take a moment and think about a relationship that went sour—a relationship that’s important to you, one you’d like a 2^nd chance with. Now resolve to get in touch with that person and ask to start a conversation. It may not work at 1^st, but the fact that you’re making the effort, hopefully will pay off soon.  

Yesterday, Pesach Sheyni, saw Jews eating matzah again. You didn’t have to eat matzah yesterday. It was fine if you ate all the chametz you wanted to and no matzah. Nevertheless, Pesach Sheyni teaches us an important lesson: you can have a mulligan, a do-over. You can find a 2^nd chance at happiness … and every day can be a chance for a 2^nd chance if we ask for it, if we work at it. However, you really have to want to be a better you—to use the 2^nd chances life gives you.

Remember what I once told you on Rosh Hashanah: “It’s never too late … but it’s later than you think!” Amen!