SHAVUOT 1 5783

Has Coveting Gotten a Bad Rap?

Shavuot commemorates the giving of the 10 Commandments on Mt. Sinai with 2-3 million Jews surrounding the mountain as Gd—amidst a sound and light show the world has never seen before—reveals Himself and His 10 principles. That’s why we read the narrative of Mt. Sinai from the Torah this morning. I’d like to discuss with you this morning the last of these 10—“Thou Shalt not Covet”—which is foundational to the rest—if not the whole Torah.

I think it’s possible that jealousy—coveting—has gotten a bad rap. Let me illustrate with the example of the gym. I go to the gym at LA Fitness 2 or 3 times a week to swim laps. It’s good exercise without having to use all that gym equipment that sometimes is hard on the legs. But while walking to the pool I often pass Muscle Mike. Muscle Mike has very very large muscles and he routinely regales me and people around him with his exercise regimen. The guy is a walking advertisement for LA Fitness. He’s got a posse that follows him, and they’re all ripped.

I have to say it. Muscle Mike has got me feeling a little envious. He seems to always be bursting with strength and vitality. Everyone thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread—which I’m sure he doesn’t eat much of.

A curious thing happened when I started hanging out with Muscle Mike a bit on my way to the pool. I started doing some fitnessy things I hadn’t done before. I did stretches before swimming. I swam more laps. I came to the gym more often. I walked to shul once in a while even when it wasn’t Shabbos! The question that this brought up for me is: Is envy a bad thing?

I know that’s what we’ve been told. Can’t Envy serve an important function pushing us forward to do the things we know we should do? Why is Envy bad?

Well, it’s one of the big 10^th Commandments (Ex.20:14): Lo tachmod beyt reyecha…lo tachmod eyshet reyecha…v’avdo v’amato vachamoro, v’chol asher l’reyecha (You shall not covet your fellow’s house…you shall not covet your fellow’s wife …his manservant his maidservant, his ox, his donkey, or anything that belongs to your fellow). In fact, this is the last of the 10 Commandments—which means it’s foundational.

Now no one really uses the word “coveting” these days. It’s essentially a bad type of envy. On the surface, Envy seems like a bad thing, but I’ve come across some pretty mixed messages when it comes to the idea of Envy in Jewish tradition. Here’s a classic example. There’s a really famous passage in the Talmud (Bava Batra 21a) that teaches: Kinat sofrim tarbeh chochma (The Envy of Scholars stimulates wisdom). Being jealous in an intellectual setting can be a really good thing, for it makes people do better, learn harder, reach higher.

So, is Envy bad or good? There’s a really subtle distinction that gets to the heart of the matter—one that can help us utilize the good part of envy and discard the rest. That distinction is encapsulated beautifully in a famous story in Midrash. The creation story, tells us (Gen. 2:7): Vayitzer Hashem Elokim et ha-adam afar min ha-adama…vayipach b’apav nishmat Chayim…va-y’hi ha-adam l’nefesh chaya (And Hashem Gd formed the human from the dust of the ground… and He breathed into his nostrils the soul of life…and the human became a living soul).

The Midrash makes a seemingly random point that the human was infused with both Earthly Manner and Heavenly matter. It goes on to tell a quirky little story about why that came to be. Stick with me here: On the 1^st day the Midrash explains Gd created heaven and earth. 1 point for heaven 1 point for Earth—tie game. On the 2^nd day, Gd created the firmament, which is a Heavenly thing—Heaven 2 Earth 1. On the 3^rd day, dry land—super earthy: Heaven 2 Earth 2. On the 4^th day, Gd created luminaries: Heaven 3 Earth 2. On the 5^th day, Gd created the animals of the water: Heaven 3, Earth 3.

         Now we’re at day 6. Who will pull into the lead? Well, Gd didn’t want anyone to pull into the lead because then, in the words of the Midrash, there would be Kina b’maaseh V’reyshit (Envy in the act of creation). Therefore, the human being was created on day 6 with equal parts Heaven and Earth. Final score: a draw—Heaven 4, Earth 4!

I love this Midrash because to me it’s such a powerful metaphor for showing what Envy looks like when it goes bad. All that math and counting, that one-on-one comparison happening between Heaven and Earth to see who has more. It seems so silly and childish.

         And, it’s also exactly how many of us experience our lives as a series of meticulously calculated comparisons to the people around us. How do I literally, mathematically measure up to the people around me? They have X amount of style, I need X amount of style. They drive Lexus or a Tesla, I need to drive Lexus or a Tesla. They have X number of accomplishments, I need X number of accomplishments. In other words, I’ve got to be at least on equal footing with the people around me or else I’m less than them.

This kind of Envy is really dangerous. Why? because it’s an impossible standard—a fool’s errand in the extreme. If we’re playing the mathematical game of making sure that what we have is equal measure to everyone else, the math will always break down. There’s no way to sustain that equation. And more importantly, we won’t like the people that we become in the process.

Aristotle spoke of Envy as “more than just wanting what someone else has, but as the pain caused by the good fortune of others.” That image might hit too close to home for many of us—scrolling on Instagram, annoyed and resentful of everyone else’s adventurous life, furiously keeping score in the background. But what if we would remove ourselves from that game? If we fundamentally understand that our life can NEVER be a carbon copy of someone else’s life. Then we can use the excellence that other people display to motivate us to get inspired by others—not threatened by them.

The 19^th century Danish Theologian Soren Kierkegaard said something so spot-on: “Envy is secret admiration. Envy can point us to what others are doing well and tempt us in the best and healthiest possible way to lean into what’s possible in our own life.”

I think this nuanced view of Envy is hinted at in this last of the 10 Commandments: “Do not covet.” It ends with: “whatever is your neighbor’s.” And that’s the point. If it’s your neighbor’s and it works for him, think twice about wanting it for yourself. You see, Gd gives everyone what they need. So, if you got what your neighbor has, there’s a good chance it’s not going to fit you.

So, I go back to Muscle Mike. If it ever becomes a one-on-one competition with muscle Mike, I’m in real trouble—and not just because he’s a karate black belt and will have me on my back in 1.7 seconds. It’s because if my own sense of personal value is tied up in whether I’m scoring competitively with muscle Mike, I’ll never catch up. But if I can get inspired by what’s possible in the domain of fitness, I think that’s a healthy way to be envious.

The Vilna Gaon said something fascinating and kind of surprising about this commandment. He said: lo tachmod (not coveting) is the most important of all the 10 Commandments, the single most foundational principle in the entire Torah—#1! This really resonates with me because I think it’s impossible to make any headway in this spiritual journey we’re on—this process of bettering ourselves and making this world a better place—if we’re too busy trying to be someone else.

This commandment—“Do not Covet”—is foundational because makes us aware that Gd gives us what we need, and that’s why we have what we have. Just imagine, if we were secure in the idea that each of us is “one of a kind”—not to be compared—we’d seek out excellence in the world and get inspired by it—not from a place of insecurity—but from a place of security—a healthy and passionate desire to do the best we possibly can in this one unique life that we get to live. Amen!