KI TEYTZEY 5784

Missing Apologies

Cheryl and I returned Monday night from 2 amazing weeks in Israel—perhaps the most meaningful of all our visits to Israel or anywhere else. We went for a family simcha—the Bat Mitzvah of our granddaughter Ali, our son Joshua’s 2^nd child—at the Kotel. We visited the tragic sight of the Nova music festival where 364 were killed by Hamas on Oct. 7. We made a BBQ for the soldiers fighting in Gaza at their base. We talked to relatives of the hostages and felt their anguish; and we spent a weekend at a hotel in Tiberias with hundreds of displaced Israelis from their homes on the border of Lebanon from towns like Kiryat Shmonah.

Over the next few weeks, I will share much more of our experiences. But for now, I want to focus on something that happened in Israel while we were there in order to give you an idea of what Israelis live with every day. The bodies of 6 hostages were found in a small narrow Gaza tunnel—not even tall enough to stand. To help us appreciate what this means, let me share with you the story of one of them—Hersh Goldberg-Polin. Hersh—born in the USA—moved to Israel with his family as a child. Some 15 years later, he was at that Nova music festival and became one of the most internationally recognized hostages among the 240 who were taken by Hamas on Oct. 7 because of his parent’s advocacy on his behalf. That Hersh was the grandnephew of my colleague and friend, Rabbi Milton Polin, makes his murder all the more personal and painful. 

During the attack Hersh texted his family: “I love you.” 10 minutes later he added: “I’m sorry.” He and his best friend Aner Shapira, along with others took refuge in a concrete field shelter. Hamas militants repeatedly threw grenades into the shelter. Shapira managed to throw 7 of the grenades back out before being killed. During that attack, Hersh’s arm was blown off from the elbow down. Hersh was then abducted and taken hostage.

For 11 months, his parents made pleas in the media to bring Hersh, along with the other hostages, home. It was not to be. Hersh was one of those 6 bodies. His mother Rachel bid farewell to him at his funeral saying: Ok, sweet boy, go now on your journey, I hope it’s as good as the trips you dreamed about, because finally, my sweet, sweet boy, finally, finally, finally, finally you are free. I will love you and I will miss you every single day for the rest of my life.

All Israel was brough to tears listening to these piercing words. Hersh survived 11 months in the captivity of barbaric and brutal terrorists, only to be executed before Israeli soldiers could get to him.

Rachel’s message was of love and of gratitude, but it also included an apology: At this time, I ask your forgiveness. If ever I was impatient or insensitive to you during your life, or neglected you in some way, I deeply and sincerely request your forgiveness, Hersh. If there was something we could have done to save you, and we didn’t think of it, I beg your forgiveness. We tried so very hard, so deeply and desperately. I’m sorry.

During this month of Ellul before Rosh Hashanah, saying I’m sorry, asking for forgiveness is the major theme in Jewish life. So it was appropriate that Rachel wasn’t the only one to offer an apology. Isaac Herzog, President of Israel, said at the funeral: Beloved Hersh, with a torn and broken heart, I stand here today as the president of the State of Israel, bidding you farewell and asking for your forgiveness, from you, and from [the 5 other hostages killed] Carmel, Eden, Almog, Alex, and Ori, and from all your loved ones. I apologize on behalf of the State of Israel, that we failed to protect you in the terrible disaster of October 7, that we failed to bring you home safely. I apologize that the country you immigrated to at the age of 7, wrapped in the Israeli flag, could not keep you safe.

In a press conference after the funeral, Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu joined the chorus of apologies: To the families of the 6 hostages, I ask for your forgiveness that we did not succeed in bringing them home alive. We were close, but we did not make it.

On that day of apologies what struck me—as an outsider visiting Israel—was not WHO offered them, but who did NOT. Make no mistake, the biggest apologies should be issued by Hamas, their supporters, and backers. Yet there are plenty more that also are notable in their absence.

Hersh was an American citizen and was also failed by the country of his birth. Rabbi Efrem Goldberg in a recent article “Missing Apologies to The Hostages” asks: In all the statements released by members of the US Administration there was no apology, not even a lip-service request for forgiveness for a failure to bring him home ... Could overwhelming pressure not have been applied with increased sanctions on Iran, pressure on Qatar with the threat of withdrawing our bases there, withholding aid to Lebanon and Egypt, pressure on Turkey and more? Where is the apology for pressuring Israel not to go into Rafah, a decision that may well have contributed to this horrific result? Where is the apology for withholding arms to support Israel’s effort against Hamas? He goes on:

-Where is the apology from the Red Cross, who failed to visit or protect Hersh or any of the hostages even once?

-Where is the apology from humanitarian organizations who are outspoken about innocent civilians in Gaza but failed to protect and secure the release of Israeli hostages?

-Where is the apology from the UK who, while 5 British citizens are still being held hostage in Gaza, and days after Hamas executed 6 hostages, suspended 30 arms licenses to Israel?

-Where is the apology from the members of the media who referred to the hostages as “having died” rather than accurately reporting their murder, who refer to civilians in captivity as “prisoners” rather than “hostages,” who write about other hostages being “freed” when the reality is they were rescued?

-Where is the apology from the world who, less than a century removed from the most heinous genocide in history, yet again failed to protect the Jewish people?

Cheryl and I saw 1^st hand a greatly divided Israel … as to what path to take from here. All Israelis want the same things—the freeing of the hostages and the defeat of Hamas. But how? We visited a dear friend from Cheryl’s childhood in South Africa now living in Israel—Sheli Siegel and her husband Lee. Lee’s brother Kieth was taken hostage [you can see his poster on the sanctuary door] along with his wife Aviva on Oct. 7. Aviva was released in a hostage exchange in November. Lee and Sheli are passionate advocates for the remaining hostages with Lee giving media interviews almost every day and speaking with US Secretary of State Anthony Blinken every week. They are also passionately anti-Netanyahu, accusing him of not making enough concessions to reach a deal.

On the other hand, the next day we visited another of Cheryl’s childhood friends—Daliah Cababia and her husband Gaon. They are passionately pro-Netanyahu and believe if Israel concedes too much, it will only encourage more Oct. 7 type attacks! Most Israelis realize they’ve been handed a “Sophie’s Choice.” For those who don’t remember, this was a book by William Styron in which a woman is forced by the Nazis’ to choose which one of her 2 children will live.

In order to get Hamas to release the hostages, Israel must open its borders and jails—allowing terrorists to resupply and resume their murder spree. It’s a moral and strategic nightmare, pitting the victims of the present against the victims of the future. It’s Satanic!

And let’s not absolve ourselves of responsibility. Last week’s Torah reading ends with the story of a corpse found in the field with no indication or evidence as to who murdered him. The Torah (Deut. 21:1-9) tells us to measure which is the closest city to the scene of the crime. An unblemished egla (a calf) in its 1^st year is executed while the leaders of that city proclaim: Our hands did not shed this blood, nor did our eyes see. Hashem, absolve Your people Israel whom You redeemed. If they didn’t shed blood, why do they have to be absolved?

Ibn Ezra explains this ceremony achieves atonement—not so much for the actual murder—but for the sins of the townspeople who allowed a murder to take place in their vicinity. The message is that if a tragedy unfolds in a community, it is cause to examine what went wrong there and how did they let this happen.

And so, in this month of forgiveness, the Jewish people collectively owe an apology to the victims of Oct. 7, to the hostages, to the heroic soldiers protecting our homeland—and to all suffering during this difficult time. We aren’t the perpetrators and would never intentionally harm a fellow Jew, BUT … only if we were better Jews, only if we were better human beings, only if we were better representatives of Gd and His Torah in this world … the Jewish people’s exile and suffering might have come to an end. 

In this month of forgiveness, we say to Hersh, Carmel, Eden, Almog, Alex, and Ori—to the 1,611 who have died and the 101 still being held hostage—from the bottom of our hearts and from the depths of our beings, we apologize and ask for your forgiveness. We ask Gd to comfort all their families.

My friends, as we approach Rosh Hashanah, let’s pledge to Gd and to our people … that this coming year, as Gd’s people, we will not just try, but that we will be better. We will do more. We will live this coming year in a such way that we’ll be worthy of Gd bringing peace to the world with the coming of the Messiah. Amen!