THANKSGIVING 5785

You Can’t Be Happy If You’re Not Grateful

Every year for Thanksgiving weekend I give the same sermon. No, it’s not the same words, of course, but it’s the same message—a message I need to hear again and again and I suspect you do as well.

A Jew is a “thanking” being. This stems from Mother Leah in next week’s Torah reading, who after giving birth to her 4^th child said (Gen. 29:35): Hapa-am odeh et Hashem (This time I will thank Gd), al keyn kara sh’mo Yehuda (therefore she called his name Judah). We are Yehudim or Jews from Yehudah or Judah, literally, “thanking beings.”

You have heard me mention that Kabbalah asks the fundamental question that most of us rarely ask: Why did Gd create this world? It answers that Gd created this world to have an opportunity to display His goodness. To do so, He created a being as much like Him as possible. Gd’s display of His goodness could then be displayed in the subsequent relationship with this being. The upshot of this is that Gd wants to shower His love upon us and what Gd wants from us in return more than anything is a relationship so He can be good to us! Isn’t that remarkable!

Our task is to just acknowledge, appreciate, and give thanks to Gd for all He has given us. The problem is that gratitude is not the natural state of a human being. It is a learned behavior. A child does not think of thanking others for the things they do for him unless he is taught this is good manners.

It cannot be stressed enough how important acknowledging, showing appreciation, and giving thanks are in our interpersonal relationships. If only we would show appreciation to those we love 3 times a day—as a Jew does to Gd in the Amidah—or even once a day…how much better our relationships and our lives would be. It’s not that hard. Just

Say to the ones you love, “I appreciate that you … ,” and fill in the blanks.

Too many of us fall victim to what Dennis Prager (Think A Second Time, p. 12) calls: “The Missing Tile Syndrome.” He suggests if you look up at a tiled ceiling in which one tile is missing, you will most likely focus primarily on the missing tile. In fact, the more beautiful the ceiling, the more you’re likely to see nothing but the missing tile and let it ruin your enjoyment of the rest of the ceiling.

When it comes to ceilings, your clothes or your car, such obsession with the missing piece may be desirable. But it can be destructive to personal happiness. When people focus on what’s missing, they make themselves miserable because while ceilings can be perfect, human beings and life can never be. There will always be missing tiles.

       Therefore, a woman struggling to become pregnant sees pregnant women wherever she goes, or a bald man sees that everyone has hair. An overweight man will see almost everyone else is thinner than he. They all focus on what they do not have, and it robs them of being able to appreciate all they do have. The end result is that they’re more miserable, less happy and more distant from Gd.

There was once an old man at the Kotel, the Western Wall in Jerusalem, who always carried a bottle of schnapps and a bag of cookies. He would come up to people and say, “Today is a simcha—a happy occasion—for me. Please join me for a l’chayim, a toast.” Suspicious tourists soon discovered he was no schnorer—he asked nothing from them. So, they asked what kind of simcha is it? His answer? “Being alive! You see, I survived Auschwitz and since then every day is a simcha!”

This is why when a Jew rises in the morning, he immediately recites the Modeh Ani prayer—thanking Gd for reviving his soul within him and for a new day. Then, after taking care of his bodily functions and washing, he recites a blessing thanking Gd. Let’s read it together, the last paragraph on p.15 in our Siddurim: Blessed are You Hashem         our Gd King of the universe    Who fashioned man with wisdom and created within him many openings and many cavities. It is obvious and known before Your Throne of Glory that if but one of them were to be ruptured or but one of them were to be blocked it would be impossible to survive and to stand before You. Blessed are You, Hashem, Who heals all flesh and acts wondrously.

Here we thank Gd for giving us working organs and acknowledging that if any of these should malfunction, our lives would be jeopardized. What other people, what other culture, what other religion has such a prayer?

Judaism wants us to start our day by reflecting on how our very lives are a gift—a miracle we live daily. Do we have to survive an Auschwitz, or a car crash, or cancer in order to appreciate the redeeming significance of the ordinary, daily stuff—the beating heart, a child’s smile, the company of those whom we love?

Let me suggest that in your prayers every day you take a moment not only to thank Gd for what you have, but to thank Him for the things that might have happened—but didn’t. The yellow light you ran, for which you did not get a ticket or into an accident; and the car you did not see behind the bush that did not jump the green light and smash into you; and the elevator that worked exactly as it was supposed to and let you off at the floor of your choice instead of getting stuck between floors; your phones and computers that worked; the ice storm that didn’t happen. Many things might have happened, but did not. Baruch Hashem, thank Gd!

But mostly, think about the good things that did happen and might not have. The parking place that stood empty, waiting for you, just a few doors from an important appointment; the open and easy trip on the highway you expected to be gridlocked; and all the daily, everyday things you could NOT do without: family, friends, food, water, air. There is so much we just take for granted. It’s good to pause at least once a day in our rapid and rushed routines to appreciate the basic good things in our lives—the pleasures of a good meal eaten in the company of others, shared memories, shared hopes.

As you’ve heard me often say, the deeper truth is that Gd doesn’t always give us what we want, but He does give us what we need. And we do have so much!

One of the weaknesses of our society is the feeling of entitlement—that whatever we have, we’re entitled to. Therefore, we don’t often enough say, “Thank you,” to Gd or to anyone else. But the grateful heart is a healthy heart. The grateful heart is a power plant for the light which lights our lives. Like the survivor of Auschwitz at the Kotel, each day is, in some way, an occasion for celebration.

One last piece of wisdom from Dennis Prager. I’ve heard him say again and again that it is impossible to be happy if you’re not grateful! Let me say it again, it’s impossible to be happy if you’re not grateful! So, my friends, let’s choose to be happy—to see more than the missing tiles of our lives—because there’s so much worth rejoicing over. And so let us say together the words of Thanksgiving from King David (Psalm 118), repeat after me: Hodu laHashem ki tov, ki l’olam Chasdo (Give thanks unto Gd for He is good; For His kindness endures forever). Amen!