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CHAYEY SARAH 5785
It’s Never Too Late
Today’s Torah portion begins with the story of Abraham finding a grave for the burial of his wife Sarah. My friend and colleague, Rabbi Avi Weiss of Riverdale NY, tells the heart-wrenching story of finding the burial place for his infant son Yitzchak Rafael:
Yitzchak Rafael was his 3rd child. He was afflicted with a dreadful genetic disease, lived into his 4th month and then died. For years, he and his wife Toby found it too painful to visit the grave. They finally summoned up the courage to go and called the cemetery to ask for the location of the grave. To their deep horror and dismay, the cemetery had no listing of a grave for Yitzchak Rafael Weiss!
They were frantic…Can you imagine??? It took them years to find the wherewithal to visit, and now they couldn’t find him! They were stymied, mystified and heartbroken. It also deeply pained them that they had never put up a gravestone monument.
Several years later Rabbi Weiss had a funeral at the same cemetery. He approached the manager with a quickly beating heart and shaking hands and said, “I believe my infant son Yitzchak Rafael is buried here. Could you check out where his burial plot is?” He went to the back of the room, returned several minutes later and said, “I’m deeply sorry but we have no record of a Yitzchak Rafael Weiss buried here.”
Rabbi Weiss explained how he could not find his infant dead son and asked, “Would you mind if I check your records myself.”
“We don’t usually do this. It’s against protocol, but I’ll make an exception for you.”
The records were handwritten, and he read them all line by line…and then he saw it. Yitzchak Rafael was not listed as Yitzchak Rafael Weiss but as Rafael Isaac Weiss. The correct days of birth and death were beside his name. Rabbi Weiss had finally found his son!
Right then and there he resolved to put up a proper monument, but just couldn’t do it. Every year on his Yahrtzeit he resolved again but couldn’t do it. It was almost 40 years since his death when a funeral director heard the story and helped him do it. It was 40 years later, but is there ever a time when it’s just too late?
My mother’s 1st husband was a pilot in WWII that was shot down and killed. They never found his body. My mother always wanted to put up a monument to remember him in our family plot in Long Island, but she never could bring herself to do it. It was about 40 years after his death that she told me with tears in her eyes how she wanted to erect such a monument but just couldn’t do it. I listened and then made the arrangements, and now his monument stands in our family plot at Wellwood Cemetery.
Let me ask you: Is there er a time when the statute of limitations has passed? Is there ever a time when it is just too late to say I’m sorry? In my mother’s case and in Rabbi Weiss’s case, after 40 years, could they still rectify the wrong?
One of the basic messages of Judaism is that it’s never too late. In the Torah portion 2 weeks ago, when Hagar—the wife Abraham took to have a surrogate child on behalf of Sarah—is mistreated by Sarah and flees to the desert, an angel tells her to go back for she will have a child with Abraham whose name will be Ishmael. The Torah (Gen. 16:14) goes out of its way to record the place where this revelation occurred: B’eyr Lachai Roi (the Well of the Living One Who Sees Me). Gd saw her and her pain.
Eventually, Sarah and Abraham have their own son—Isaac. When Ishmael is caught being inappropriate with Isaac, he—with Hagar—are sent away along with Gd’s promise to watch over them.
In today’s Torah reading, close to 40 years have passed and Sarah dies. Abraham is devastated! Our sages teach that Abraham was tested by Gd 10 times—each test elevated him spiritually. The final test, the most difficult according to most Sages, was the Akeda Binding of Isaac from last week’s parsha where he was asked to sacrifice his son Isaac. That certainly showed the greatest level of faith.
However, Rabbeynu Yona, cousin of Maimonides, maintains that Sarah’s death was his greatest test. Why? Because Sarah was his life partner on a mission to transform the world. Without her he was utterly incomplete. How sweet is that? What was the test? The test was that even without his life partner Sarah he still had to pursue his mission. And so, immediately—despite his grief—he knew he must find a burial place for Sarah and then a wife for Isaac.
Abraham purchases a burial plot in the Kever haMachpeyla (the Cave of the Couples) in Hebron. And after the funeral, he sends his trusted servant Eliezer to his family in Mesopotamia to find a wife for Isaac. Upon Eliezer’s return with Rebecca, Isaac goes out to meet her for the 1st time, and the Torah tells us that Isaac was coming from B’er Lachai Roi (Gen. 24:62). Sound familiar? What was Isaac doing there? And why does the Torah include this seemingly insignificant fact?
Remember, B’er Lachai Roi is the place where the angel told Hagar that Ishmael would be born. Could it be that Isaac felt responsible for their expulsion? After all, Hagar and Ishmael were sent away to ensure that he would become the next patriarch. Now 40 years later the Torah tells us he traveled to B’eyr Lachai Roi where Hagar lives. Why? The Midrash tells us that it was (Rashi Gen. 24:62) to convince her to come back to Abraham.
Talk about sweet: pcisely when Isaac is about to marry—thereby assuring that he will become the next patriarch—he does teshuva, repentance, by inviting Hagar back into the family. Just when Abraham finds a wife for Isaac so he wouldn’t be alone, Isaac goes to find a wife for Abraham so he wouldn’t be alone!
The message is that it’s never too late! 40 years may have passed, but that doesn’t stop Isaac from trying to mend the rift he felt responsible for. Abraham never wanted to send Hagar and Ishmael away. Isaac facilitates their reconciliation along with his reconciliation with his brother Ishmael as we see them together at their father’s funeral.
We all know of a man who made his living as a smuggler and a crook, who cheated on his wife, who wheeled and dealed and bribed his way through life—and then one day he changed. He dedicated himself to saving the lives of 1,100 Jews. Who was that? Oskar Schindler. Oskar Schindler realized that it was not too late to change and be the man he was meant to be.
Our parents are living longer these days, so now more than ever, it’s never too late to be a good child. Being a good kid when you’re 5 or 15? That counts. But to be a devoted child when you’re 50 or 60 and you live in another city—that’s when it really counts. And it’s never too late to become the best husbands and wives you can be.
My friends, it’s never too late to love; it’s never too late to reconcile with your loved ones; it’s never too late to start learning Torah; it’s never too late to draw closer to Gd taking on a stronger religious commitment; and it’s never too late to dream, to do, to accomplish. Remember Abraham didn’t start on his career as the father of our people till Gd called upon him when he was 75. And Moses didn’t become the leader of the Jewish people till he was 80! It’s never too late to be all that you can be.
Rabbi Weiss writes about his 1st visit to his son’s grave: There we were, Toby and I…at the grave of our infant child. Most mourning involves remembering a person’s past life; when one, however, loses a child, every day one mourns not what was, but what could have been. Every day we would ask, “And now at 10 years or 20 or 30 what would Yitzchak Rafael be like, what would he be doing?”
…We stood near the grave holding one another. We shed tears. Toby bent over to smooth the stone as if she was cleaning the room and making the bed of her little boy. I whispered to myself, “B’ni, b’ni, haben yakir li, my precious precious son, Yitzchak Rafael, I’m sorry. Please forgive me that I’m so late. I love you Yitzchak Rafael.” And I am convinced I could hear Yitzchak Rafael say, “It’s ok Abba, I love you too.” My friends, it’s never too late. Amen!
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