VAYEYTZEY 5785

Who Would You Pardon?

President Joe Biden stunned the world last Sunday by saying he was pardoning his son Hunter even though he had repeatedly said over and over during the presidential campaign that he would not.

Would you or I pardon a son who faced federal prison time? As Eugene Robinson writes in the Washington Post: “This isn’t about lying on a gun permit form or delinquency in paying taxes, the latter of which Hunter has admitted. It’s about fatherhood.” Some counter that his accepting millions of dollars in bribes from foreign governments amounts to at the least, illegal lobbying and possibly treason.

Putting all the politics aside, Sara Yoheved Rigler in aish.com gives what she calls “a religious twist to this pardon heard around the world.” She applauds the pardon because of Absalom’s Pillar. Absalom’s Pillar is a burial monument on the outer eastern side of the wall of the Old City of Jerusalem opposite the Temple Mount. The structure dates to the 1^st century CE, but tradition has it that this is the sight of the grave of Absalom—errant son of King David.

As narrated in the 2^nd Book of Samuel (chapter 19), Absalom mounted a rebellion against his father and tried to murder him. When King David’s general Yoav vanquished the rebellion and killed Absalom, he thought David would be pleased. Instead, an inconsolable David broke into a lament for his son. 8 times he wailed: “B’ni, my son Absalom, my son, my son…if only I could have died in your place!” According to the Talmud, the 1^st 7 repetitions of “B’ni, my son” lifted Absalom’s soul out of the 7 levels of hell, while the 8^th “B’ni, my son” brought Absalom’s soul into Paradise. King David thus granted his murderous son a royal pardon.

Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz, the legendary head of Jerusalem’s Mir Yeshiva in the 20^th century, used to pray on the day before Yom Kippur not at the holy Kotel/Western Wall, but at Absalom’s Pillar. When questioned about this mysterious choice, he replied: I appeal to Gd before the day of Divine forgiveness of our sins to invoke what King David did. If David, who is just flesh and blood, could forgive his rebellious and murderous son Absalom, how much more should Gd forgive the Jewish People. You, Gd, are greater than King David. And we, the Jewish People, are not as bad as Absalom.

Ringler notes that the Sages teach us that the 2^nd Temple was destroyed because of infighting among Jews, and today, after a few stunned months of amazing Jewish unity post-Oct. 7, Jews in Israel are at it again with their infighting: The incriminations and attacks against those who differ from us politically and religiously have reached new lows. When I pray to Gd for the return of the hostages and for our soldiers, I am almost embarrassed to be making requests because we, the Jews of Israel, are guilty of violating the thing Gd most wants from us: unity.

Speaking of unity, American Jews are not much better. Did you see the letter to the editor of the AJC yesterday by the Deputy Director of J Street Georgia and a prominent Atlanta Reform rabbi applauding our Senators Ossoff and Warnock’s voting against sending arms to Israel and their claim they speak for most American Jews? Not much unity there.

Sarah Rigler concludes her article: That’s why I’m pleased with President Biden’s pardon of his son. No matter how much you may disapprove of his actions, Hunter Biden’s crimes are nowhere near as bad as Absalom’s, and President Biden is no King David. But now I get to paraphrase Rabbi Shmuelevitz when I pray: “Gd, Your mercy and compassion are greater than President Biden’s. If Biden can pardon his child just because he is his child, so please pardon Your children because we are Your children, and return the hostages alive to their families and protect our soldiers.”

Today’s Haftorah comes from the prophet Hosea. Hosea has Gd saying (11:9): “I will not carry out My burning anger; I will not destroy Efraim.” Efraim was the leading tribe of the 10 tribes of the Northern Kingdom of Israel that had taken to idol worship and immorality—an abandonment of Gd. Like a father who was hurt by his child’s rejection, Hosea tells us, Gd will pardon His children. In fact, Gd then says in the text: Shuva Yisrael ad Hashem Elokecha (Israel, return to Hashem your Gd). Gd will welcome us with open arms. He wants to pardon us, if we will only return to Him.

Let me ask you. Is there anyone in your life today that you should pardon? It’s one thing to forgive someone who asks, but what happens when you don’t get an apology? The solution is a psychological term called “release.” Let me read you the definition: With release you let go of your bad feelings and your preoccupation with the hurt. You stop defining your life by the offence done to you that erodes your ability to be happy. You no longer allow the person who hurt you to live rent-free inside your head. It liberates you from the tyranny of re-experiencing your traumatic past again and again, and enables you to move on with your life. As radio host Bernard Meltzer once said: “When you forgive, you in no way change the past—but you sure do change the future!”

What I’ve discovered is that it’s in our families where most of our forgiveness needs to occur. Family are not people you can easily write off. But if you do what psychologists call a “cut off,” you should know that in cutting off a relationship you remain in the fighting phase. It’ll continue to torment you. And worst of all, it trains us and our children to see that the way to solve a problem is “cut off”—not negotiation, not compromise nor forgiveness. And this is not the Jewish way.

The Jewish way is to be like Joseph who was introduced in today’s parsha. He pardoned his brothers who sold him into slavery. Can you imagine that? None of us will get to the level of Joseph. But we can let go of our hurts and trust—as Joseph did—that whatever happens to us in life, has been directed, or at least monitored from above. So, you feel hurt; you feel slighted? Let it go. Leave it to Gd; let Him sort it out for you.

How do we do that? May I suggest as you go to bed every night, that you recite the opening paragraph of the Bedtime Shema. It’s on page 288 of our ArtScroll Siddur: I hereby forgive [pardon] anyone who has angered or provoked me or sinned against me, physically or financially or by failing to give me due respect, or in any other matter relating to me, involuntarily or willingly, inadvertently or deliberately, whether in word or deed; let no one incur punishment because of me.

So, my friends, giving a pardon to your loved ones is not just about being nice and kind. It’s about not becoming so miserable that you miss out on the awesome life that’s in front of you. Amen!