BEMIDBAR 5785

“Is Jewish Lineage Important?”

In 2013, there was a popular movie called, “Delivery Man.” It starred Vince Vaughn, who played an affable underachiever that fathered 533 children through anonymous sperm donations to a fertility clinic over 20 years. In the movie he has to decide whether to come forward when 142 of them file a lawsuit against the clinic to reveal his identity.

 Lest you think this farfetched, last year Netflix’s #1 docuseries was, The Man With 1000 Kids—the true story of Jonathan Meijer who donated to 11 sperm banks in the Netherlands and fathered 1000 children!

 Question: Many of these 1000 children, like in the movie “Delivery Man,” wanted to make contact. Was the biological father obligated to allow these children into his life? Beyond the emotional opportunities these children might have been seeking, there might just be real medical reasons to make contact.

 Let me ask you: What would you say? Should a sperm donor be obligated to allow his progeny into his life? Or what about a woman who gave up her child to adoption when she was a teenager and now had a new life and family? Should she be obligated to accept her 1^st child into her family? An advice columnist I once read agreed that while exposing yourself in such a case might turn out to be truly wonderful, they were under no such obligation.

 Obviously, children want to know their biological heritage. Why? It is because lineage is an essential part of who we are as human beings. A particular man gave the sperm, and a particular woman gave the egg and the womb that created each of us. Our lineage—to a great extent—makes us who we are. And so, it’s understandable that many candidates seeking conversion have performed a DNA test to check for Jewish ancestry, although DNA is not a criterion for Jewish status according to Jewish law.

 This week’s Torah portion puts a huge emphasis on this lineage. Today we began the 4^th book of the Torah, Bemidbar/Numbers. It begins with “Gd speaking to Moses in the desert of Sinai … in the 2^nd year after the Exodus from the land of Egypt.” One of the 1^st things this new nation—now on the march—needs is to establish who its people are. And so, the Torah (Numbers 1:18) tells us what they did: They assembled all the congregation together … and they established their genealogy according to their families, by their fathers’ household names, according to the number of the names, from 20 years old and upward, according to their head count.

 In other words, a census was taken of the Israelites as they prepared to travel through the desert. It was taken, as the Torah relates: “according to their families, by their fathers’ household names.” In the Biblical tradition one’s name is connected to his/her father’s name. We are called “so-and-so, the son or daughter of the father.” In reality, this is mostly for official Jewish documents like a Ketubah wedding document or a Get divorce document. But when it matters most, when we are praying for someone who is ill or in distress begging Gd for help, we identify one with the mother’s name: “so-and-so, the son or daughter of the mother!

 When I meet with a bride and groom before a wedding, one of the first questions I ask them is their Jewish names. Usually, they know this. Then I ask them their father’s, and if possible, their mother’s Jewish name. Most of them give me a blank stare. Yet I need at least the father’s name—as I mentioned—to properly fill out the Ketubah, the Jewish wedding document. Why? Because in Judaism our lineage is part of us who we are.

 This emphasis on lineage became extremely important during the beginning of the 2^nd Temple period. When Ezra led the Jews back from exile in Babylonia to the Promised Land in the 5^th century BCE, he brought with him a book of lineage so everyone would clearly know their line of descent. He then made the Israelites divorce their foreign-born wives and abandon their foreign-born children. Maintaining the purity of lineage for Ezra was crucial. However, lineage may be crucial, but not always.

 Tomorrow night we begin the festival of Shavuot that celebrates the giving of the Torah to the Jewish people on Mt. Sinai. On the 2^nd day, Tuesday morning, our tradition is to read the Book of Ruth, celebrating the acceptance of the Torah—as the Jews did at Sinai—by a kind Moabite woman, who cast her fate with the Jewish people. Ruth famously declares (1:16): “Your people will be my people; your Gd will be my Gd.”

 What stands out is that Ruth is clearly from the wrong lineage! She’s a Moabite woman, and the Torah (Deuteronomy 23:4) expressly forbids Moabites from marrying into the household of Israel because, among other things, they hired Bilaam to curse the Jewish people. But Ruth—in spite of her lineage—was not only accepted into the household of Israel, she also went on to create the most holy lineage, becoming the great grandmother of King David, and the progeniture of the Messiah!

 I’m convinced that one of the reasons the Sages found a way to accept Ruth as part of the Jewish people and to accept the Book of Ruth as part of the Bible, was to send a clear message: There must be an alternative to the exclusive Ezra approach that only welcomes those who were born Jews. Yes, lineage is important, but it’s secondary to character. Membership in the Jewish people is not an exclusive club. It’s open to people of every lineage—known or unknown! This is why we welcome converts to Judaism.

 As an aside, this message is also linked to parenting. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 19b) teaches that to be a parent is not necessarily to be a biological parent. The true parent is the one who raises and teaches a child. In fact, this idea that lineage is secondary comes out explicitly in today’s Torah portion.

 The Torah (Numbers 3:1) teaches: Eyleh toldot Aaron uMoshe (These are the children of Aaron and Moses). It then lists just the children of Aaron. The Talmud asks: “Well, where are Moses’ children? Why say “the children of Aaron and Moses” if only Aaron’s children are mentioned here? From here the Talmud learns an exquisite teaching: While Aaron gave birth to them, Moses, however, was their teacher. And whoever teaches a child, it is as if he or she gave birth to that child. From here we learn that real parenting is about teaching and nurturing and love—not about lineage!

     So, my friends, we have 2 diverse messages this week: Lineage is everything as with Ezra … and lineage is unimportant as with Ruth. In a sense they’re both true. And it’s astonishing that a righteous convert like Ruth can create a new and wonderful lineage. Our children become who they are through both nature and nurture. We cannot afford to neglect either. Amen!