SHEMINI ATZERET YIZKOR 5783
Those Were the Days, Not Really!
Once upon a time there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or 2
Remember how we laughed away the hours
And think of all the great things we would do
[sing with me] Those were the days, my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing and dance forever and a day
We’d live the life we choose
We’d fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way…
“Those were the days” is a song by Gene Raskin, who put a new English lyric to a Russian romance song. On Rosh Hashanah, when we ushered in the New Year, we read the traditional prayer: “Let the old year end with all its curses…let the New Year begin with all its blessings.” But what blessings do we have? Mass shootings? Inflation? Rising gasoline costs? Immigration? Climate change?
Here are some headlines I’ve recently seen in newspapers, magazines and websites I subscribe to: “The American Century is Over,” “Is America in Decline?” “Big Tech is Bracing for Possible Recession,” “Is Gd Punishing the USA?” “A Country Fractured,” “Nearly Every American has a Foreboding; the country they love is losing its way,” “We are Depressed, Anxious, Tired and Distracted!”
People are really concerned these days, unable to see hope for the future. And so, they yearn for the good old days. I can’t bring you any promises for the future. But I can offer some comfort in telling you that “good old days” were really NOT as good as today.
Despite what’s happening in the Ukraine, war is rarer today than it has been for most of the past 50 years. Life expectancy, literacy and standards of living have all risen to historic highs. Also declining in recent decades: hunger, child mortality, extreme poverty.
People complain about the Internet corrupting us? That’s what the previous generation said about the radio! We’ve had a pandemic? They had to live through polio. Russia is a problem for the Ukraine? Do you know how many American soldiers died in Korea and Vietnam? 100,000! Some of us remember how we had to crouch under our school desks to protect us from Russian nuclear bombs. What was that all about?
People have a tendency to picture the past as a magical time, something much better than it really was. “Those were the days, my friends?” Not really. As king Solomon wrote in Kohelet (7:10) that we read on Sukkot: “Do not say, ‘How was it that former times were better than these?’ For that is not a question prompted by wisdom.”
And so, we allow our perspective of the past to become warped—especially with our kids. Wherever you look someone is writing about how our children are self-centered, ungrateful and disrespectful. Need I remind you that in the “good old days” Cain killed Abel, Esav tried to kill Jacob and Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery. I love hearing people bemoaning today’s youth, saying things like, “When I was a kid, I used to have to wrap my feet in barbed wire in order to walk to school 2 miles in the snow.” As we used to say in Brooklyn, “Faggedaboutit!”
Kids today are no better or worse than before. They are what kids have always been: bearers of unlimited potential, with a natural striving for the good and the holy. To think of them as being anything else, to think that things used to be better…robs us of much joy and hope for the future.
We have to stop playing that game of “the good old days.” It’s depressing. You know all those clichés: “Today is the 1st day of the rest of your life”…or…“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift. That’s why we call it ‘the present.’”…or…“Carpe diem—seize the day.” Well, those clichés are not just clichés, they go to the very heart of Jewish tradition.
Today we are living through remarkable times, and we don’t even realize it or appreciate it. Bill Gates writes: “The world is progressive, and resources are becoming more abundant. I’d rather go into a grocery store today than a king’s banquet 100 years ago.”
I learne his lesson when I had my heart attack and they put in 3 stents to open the arteries to my heart. That sounds like quite a big deal. The heart attack was, but the surgery wasn’t. The surgeries went through my wrists and then to the arteries to my heart. I was awake and hardly felt a thing. The recovery time was for the heart attack—not the surgery! They certainly didn’t do it like that in the good old days!
When I told my surgeon that my father and another relative had quadruple bypass surgery at about the same age, he said, “It was probably hereditary—pre-destined at birth.” You see, my not exercising enough, my being a bit overweight, my guzzling alcohol, eating all sorts of chazerai all those years had nothing to do with it! I was born that way; what can I do?
I spoke about this in my Rosh Hashanah sermon a few weeks later. Then I got the following email: Apropos to your sermon, I wanted to share with you my reaction to what you said about your past “indiscretions.” My lifestyle has been one of almost daily aerobic exercise for more than 45 years, a low fat, moderate to low carbohydrate diet, normal BMI, and no smoking ever and as a result I will be having a cardiac catheterization tomorrow morning at St. Joseph to determine if I have a blockage causing the changes in my EKG. Additionally, I have aortic valve regurgitation that shows up as mild to severe in several echocardiograms. So, NU? Who had more fun getting to this point?
There’s an old Chinese saying: “The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The 2nd best time is today.” As you get older you realize that there were trees you should have planted in your youth. But you can get a 2nd chance. With people living longer these days, many of us are given 2nd chances in life. Geneticists, gerontologists, social scientists and others now differentiate between 2 stages of life: The 1st state is when our IQ is highest—between 18 and 25. But there is a 2nd stage—the wisdom and intelligence one gains through experience and learning.
Yogi Berra was right! “It’s aint over till it’s over!” There’s still time for a re-run! We know more now! There may not be much time, but there is still time to heal the wounds and make apologies and come closer to our children, to our siblings, to our mates, to our friends. If you didn’t have the closest relationship with your son or daughter, maybe if you reach out, you can have a re-run and, in the process, better your relationship with your son-in-law or daughter-in-law. At their age, they’re just as insecure as you are.
Indeed, if we messed up with our children, Gd gives us a 2nd chance with the grandchildren. If you were too strict with your children…you can indulge your grandchildren. If you were too busy working to make a living to have time for your kids…you can make it up by taking time with your grandchildren. If you didn’t give your children enough candy, and as a result they have teeth that suffer from a lack of chocolate…you can make up for it by giving tootsie rolls to your grandchildren when their parents aren’t looking.
These moments before Yizkor also provide us with the opportunity for a re-run with our parents. They are gone, but we are here. They can’t change…but we can change the way we see them and remember them. As I mentioned on Yom Kippur, we may remember our parents as being abrupt, distant, uninterested or, too involved, too smothering, or never fully understanding us. But in our youth, we didn’t really understand them! Now we have the wisdom to understand that they were living through a time of Depression, World Wars, long work hours and discrimination. Yes, the “good old days” we now know were not so good. Our parents deserve a break today.
Sigmund Freud believed people cannot really change as they grew older. He most probably felt this way because of his mother. Today mental health professionals know he was wrong! I have seen so many of you change over the years.
· Some of you are getting more grumpy; others are becoming more grateful.
· Some of you resist change like it’s the plague; others welcome change as the antidote to the “same old, same old.”
· Some of you have become more miserly; others more generous.
Change for the better…or change for the worse. It’s up to each of us. We have to make it happen. The Psalmist advises (90:12) we recite this prayer: Limnot yameinu keyn hoda (Teach us [O Gd] to number our days so that we gain a heart of wisdom) to use them wisely”—and not waste, spoil them or desecrate them. My friends, let’s make more of an effort to appreciate every day Gd gives us and make it count. Amen!
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