TETZAVEH 5784

Do Clothes Make the Person?

Shakespeare is said to have remarked: “Clothes make the man.” The truth is Shakespeare never said it! What Shakespear had Polonius say in Hamlet was: “For the apparel oft proclaims the man.” It was Mark Twain who actually said, “Clothes make the man.” And he went on to add: “Naked people have little or no influence on society.” It’s hard to argue with that logic, although I’m told several influencers on TikTok are practically naked! 

Covid changed our entire way of dressing. We now dress much more casually—especially when we work from home. And when we do, who knows what we are wearing? On Zoom meetings, or the like, the camera blocks out most of our appearance, and as long as we’re wearing a proper shirt, we might as well be in our pajama bottoms and slippers.

For me, when it comes to clothing there are 3 rules:

1. Wear the right colors: No wearing black after Memorial Day; no wearing white after Labor Day; and no turning red when you see the bill—especially with today’s inflation.

2. You’re hip if your clothes are described as “unstructured and baggy.” You’re not hip if your body is described this way!

3. And for Gd sakes, dress appropriately for your age. Don’t do punk, grunge or hip hop if you’re also wearing Depends!

How we dress when we come to shul, does say something about our relationship with Gd. In today’s Torah reading we read about the clothes of the priests in the Temple of old. One of the major disqualifications for a priest to participate in the Temple service was if he wasn’t wearing the proper clothing. We find generally in Jewish life that clothing plays an important role.

Modesty in dress, special clothing for Shabbat and holidays have always been the Jewish norm. But with the exception of Hassidim who always dress in 18^th century Polish noblemen garb, Jews always wore clothes from the style of the countries in which they lived. Thus, in the paintings of the 17^th century Dutch masters, the Jews of Amsterdam are wearing Dutch style clothing.

On Shabbat and Holidays, Jews always wore fine dress-up clothes from the countries in which they lived in—as long as they were appropriately modest. I don’t want to point fingers, and I hope you’ll forgive me if you are offended by what I’m about to say: I think many of us could dress better on Shabbat in our shul. For example, jeans in some circles may be considered dressy—but they’re simply not shul dressy!

There was a time when some young women in our shul wore short skirts. Thank Gd we don’t have that problem anymore. A couple of weeks ago we read in the Torah (Ex. 20:23) about Gd commanding Moses that when he makes the Mizbeyach Sacrificial Altar, he must build a ramp and not steps for the priests to reach it. Why? Because, explains the Torah, steps might expose their upper legs and private parts. Modesty for a Jew is so important!

I want you to look at the Aron Kodesh behind me. It has doors, and behind the doors, there’s a curtain called a Parochet. Inside the ark are Sefer Torahs—the most holy objects in the world! [ I can’t resist this corny joke. Why do we put a Torah in an ark? To make it a “safer” Torah!] Anyway, every single one of these Sefer Torahs has a beautiful Torah cover on it, often dedicated in memory of relatives who have passed. But why cover it at all? Because a Torah scroll is holy. In fact, as we see from its 3 coverings—the ark, the curtain and the Torah covers—it’s triple holy! And yet, it’s NOT as holy as a human being. You know what the Torah calls sexual immorality? Giluy arayot, which literally means, “uncovering nakedness,” teaching us that to uncover the human body for no moral purpose is sinful.

In the world in which we live today people have lost all sense of modesty and discretion. Today, people say and do things on television that we would never have thought of saying or doing in public just a few years ago—and no one seems to think much about it. And as a result, the sense of holiness that used to characterize the relationship between a man and a woman has been trivialized.

There’s a bracha Jews recite every morning: “Blessed are You, Hashem our Gd, King of the universe, malbish arumim, who clothes the naked.” Rav Kook—the 1^st chief rabbi of the modern State of Israel—explained that this blessing gives thanks to Gd for the clothes we wear and for the fact that we are humans who need clothes—and not animals who don’t. Rav Kook explains that we are blessed with a refined soul destined to live a higher life than animals. The message is: don’t behave like an animal—and that includes how we dress!

The clothes of the priests, the Torah tells us, were simple white garments with tunics, sashes, pants, and headdresses—reflecting the purity of their holy service. The clothes of the high priest, on the other hand, were colorful, ornate and luxurious—filled with precious stones. There was a colorful apron called an Ephod, a Breastplate, special robe with bells, and a turban upon which was placed a silver Titz band with the inscription: Kodesh laHashem (Holy to Gd). These garments told everyone the priests were holy and unique and it made the Priests feel that way as well! And so Maimonides, in writing about the priestly clothes (Hilchot Kley HaMikdash 10:4), writes that these special clothes gives the priest a sense of the royalty and majesty of the priestly role. Without these clothes, a kohen is just an ordinary Joe. With the clothing, he becomes a prince!

What Maimonides says is true. What you wear can change you. Wearing a MAGA hat says something about you and what you believe. Just like wearing a black hat and a black suit with tzitzit hanging out also says something about you and what you believe. Even the kind of kipa you wear or don’t wear says something about you. In the ultra-Orthodox and Yeshivish communities, the kipa will generally be large and made of black velvet. The smaller, knitted—often colorful kipot—is a sign of a more Modern Orthodox Jew. For a woman, a sheitel (wig), a tichel (scarf) or a hat and a long dress indicate one is part of the ultra-Orthodox or Yeshivish communities…while a dress or skirt above the knee or pants indicates a more modern approach.

American tradition teaches, “Beauty is only skin deep.” But it was Redd Foxx (Does anyone remember who Redd Fox was?) who said, “Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes all the way to the bone!” For the Jew, beauty must go all the way to the bone.

When Americans speak about the “beautiful people,” they refer to the Hollywood jet-set types who are noted for their ostentatious and immoral lifestyles. But when Jews refer to someone as being a Sheyner Yid (a beautiful Jew), that refers to what is inside—the beauty of character, their piety and closeness with Gd.

The ark doors behind me and its Parochet curtain behind it…and the covers over the Torah…and the concept of gilui arayot, of not revealing one’s nakedness…teach us that the holier an object is, the more reverently it should be treated and the more it should be covered. Holiness and modesty are inseparably connected.

My friends, today’s world challenges us to teach our children and all those around us by our example … never to degrade ourselves in body or in soul. In a world that’s gone crazy—especially as we saw on October 7^th and its aftermath—we must be the ones to bring a message of sanity and holiness of the body and the soul.

Gd challenged us in last week’s parsha (Ex. 25:8): V’asu li mikdash v’shachanti b’tocham, “Make a place for Me, for Gd in your life, a sanctuary, a holy place—where? in your shul, in your home, wherever you go—and then I Gd will dwell in you.” Amen!

TERUMA 5784

Want to Be Happy, Get Married

This week was Valentine’s Day. Should Jews celebrate Valentine’s Day? As the late Gilda Radner put it: “It’s always something!” And in this case the “something” is the fact that Valentine’s Day is SAINT Valentine’s Day. Saint Valentine was a Christian martyr.

According to one story, the Roman Emperor Claudius forbade young men to marry, thinking that single men without the responsibilities of family made better soldiers. A priest named Valentine disobeyed the Emperor’s order and secretly married young couples. Another story shows Valentine as an early Christian priest who made friends with many children. The Romans imprisoned him, but the children tossed loving notes between the bars of his cell window. According to tradition, St. Valentine’s Day was established on Feb. 14^th in the year 269.

Here’s my favorite Valentine’s Day joke. A guy walks into the post office and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and sprays them with scent. His curiosity gets the better of him and he asks him what he’s doing? The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

         “But why?” asks the man.

         “Because I’m a divorce lawyer!”

So, I know the men in our shul didn’t get into hot water and didn’t have to sleep on the couch for forgetting Valentine’s Day this year because we Jews don’t celebrate St. Valentine’s Day. Nevertheless, since the whole world was in a romantic mood this week, I thought I’d speak on the condition of marriage in our world today.  

The fact of the matter is, Valentine’s Day ain’t what it used to be because love ain’t what it used to be! Marriage ain’t what it used to be! The saying, “Happy wife, happy life,” however, still rings true. This could be why happiness in America is on the decline—because marriage is on the decline. Over the last 50 years, the marriage rate in the U.S. has dropped by nearly 60%. Only 54% of adults aged 25 to 54 are married. I thought it would be different in the Jewish world, but surprisingly, it’s not.

The media again and again tells us why not to tie the knot. It tells women that diamond rings are handcuffs that binds them to the patriarchy. For example:

-        The Guardian tells us: “Marriage was never designed to benefit women. It can’t be fixed—it must be rejected ... it’s impossible not to want to completely destroy this inherently misogynistic institution.”  

-        Fortune Magazine: “Women are skipping marriage and becoming a force in the workplace.”

-        Bloomberg: “Women who stay single and don’t have kids are getting richer.”

What they don’t tell you is that married people are so much happier than single people.

It’s not just the media. The government is on board as well. If you need food stamps or Medicaid, your marriage puts your eligibility in jeopardy. Being single is rewarded. 2 combined low incomes put families in a higher tax bracket even if the salaries can’t cover expenses for 2 people—let alone kids. They’re not even hiding it. They call it the “marriage penalty.”

I saw an interview with Brad Wilcox, author of Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization. He was asked: “How does getting married save civilization?” He answered: We know today that there are no Americans that are happier, that have more meaningful lives, that are more prosperous than married men and women. What we are seeing, unfortunately, is the marriage rate declining. It’s called “The closing of the American heart.” We’re seeing less dating, less marriage, and less childbearing. That matters because one of the top predictors of the rise of despair is marriage. And we’re also seeing the happiness rate in America is declining. And the top predictor there is the falling marriage rate.

If marriage makes people happier, if marriage creates wealth, if marriage creates higher birth rates, then why are so many discouraging it?

There are women who say, “I don’t need a man. I don’t want to have to depend on anybody?” We see many people who want careers, and just want to live their lives by themselves. It maybe true that marriage is not for everyone, but, says Wilcox: Most Americans—both most men and most women—are much more likely to flourish if they get married, because the meaning, the direction, and financial security—the opportunities to care for someone else and to be cared for by someone else—is so important.       

These are strong Jewish values and that’s why most Jews want to be married. You would think that with all our new dating apps with swiping left and right, it might be much easier today to find a mate. But could it be that this is part of the problem? With so many choices, one could easily swipe left, rejecting a possible relationship, with the thought that perhaps there’s a better choice coming up.

Once while in Israel, I came across a list of personal ads in Israeli newspapers. Listen to some of them:

- Yeshiva bochor, Torah scholar, long beard, payos, seeks same in a woman.

- Are you the girl I spoke with at Kiddush after shul last week? You excused yourself to get more horseradish for your gefilte fish, but you never returned. How can I contact you again? I was the one with the cholent stain on my tie.

- [Here’s my favorite.] I’m a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart to and share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets with. No fatties, please!

You see, one of the reasons for the decline in the marriage rate is that most of us look for the perfect partner, thinking that to marry the imperfect is “selling out” or “settling”—not realizing that the ability to live with the imperfect is the essence of personal growth. Here’s the point, any relationship in which each partner must meet idealized, romanticized expectations is bound to result in disappointment. And let me ask you, if you found the perfect mate, why would he/she want you?

This week’s Torah reading (Ex. 25:8) begins with Gd commanding Moses: V’asu Li Mikdash v’shachanti b’tocham (Make for Me a sanctuary and I will dwell among you). The Midrash tells us that when Moses heard this command he trembled—worrying how could human beings build a proper house for Gd? Gd responded, “Not by my standards but in accordance with your abilities.”

You see, Gd is smart; He doesn’t expect perfection from us. He doesn’t even want perfection. What does Gd want? He wants a relationship—yes a relationship. He wants us to genuinely give from our hearts and souls to Him while appreciating what He does for us. And He wants us to do the same in our relationships with others—give from our hearts while appreciating our partner—all with the understanding that if you expect perfection, instead of finding love and connection, you’re going to end up with disappointment and misery.  

Remember Henry Gallant? Every Shabbos I’d say, “Good Shabbos Henry, how’re you feeling?” He would always smile and say, “Everything’s great … I woke up, didn’t I?”

My friends, life is NOT perfect. We have our aches, we have our pains, but let’s appreciate that we’re here. Whether you celebrated Valentine’s Day this week or not, be grateful if you have someone in your life. He/she may not be perfect—only my wife Cheryl is perfect—but neither are we!

Let’s all be grateful for what we do have and say with a full heart the words of our Siddur: Ashreynu ma tov chelkeynu, “How happy we are with our portion.” Let me tell you, my congregation, I’m so happy with my portion—my family, my shul, you my congregants! Thank you for coming to help me celebrate my birthday. I love you all. Amen! 

MISHPATIM 5784

We Need More Jews Like Montana Tucker

This week we marked 4 months since October 7^th. The pace of the war in Gaza seems to have slowed and most of us have gone back to our lives almost “as usual.” Last Sunday night was a rude awakening for me. It was the Grammy Awards—the most prestigious awards in the music industry. Now, I’m not a big fan of pop music as my sermon on Taylor Swift becoming Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” hints. And since October 7^th I’ve not been in a mood to celebrate, but I thought perhaps the Grammys might be an enormous platform to pay tribute to the barbaric, horrific murder of 1200 Israelis and the kidnapping of 240—40 from a “music” festival—the Supernova Music Festival in Israel on the Gaza border—on October 7^th by Hamas.

As expected, the Grammys drew an enormous audience of many millions of viewers. To his credit, Recording Academy CEO Harvey Mason Jr. did acknowledge the atrocity at the Supernova Festival, saying: Every one of us, no matter where we’re from, is united by the shared experience of music. It brings us together like nothing else can, and that’s why music must always be our safe space. When that’s violated, it strikes at the very core of who we are. We felt that at the Bataclan concert hall in Paris. We felt that at the Manchester Arena in England. We felt that at the Route 91 Harvest Music Festival in Las Vegas. And, on October 7, we felt that again, when we heard the tragic news from the Supernova Music Festival for Love, that over 360 music fans lost their lives and another 40 were kidnapped ...

         Take this string quartet [pointing behind him]: As individuals they sound really good, but together they achieve something beautiful they could never do apart. These musicians of Israeli, Palestinian and Arab descent are here, playing together. Now is the time for us, for humanity, to play together, to come together.

Sounds wonderful, inspiring, doesn’t it? In a world of growing antisemitism, anti-Israel sentiment, and moral equivalency, we should feel gratitude to Mason for the moral clarity to use the Grammys to address the darkest day the Jewish people have had seen since the Holocaust. 

However, what he said bothered me. I couldn’t put a finger on why till I read an article by Rabbi Efrem Goldberg: “Grateful Or Not Good Enough.” He pointed out that if you listen carefully to Harvey Mason’s words, you’ll see that they fall way short of truly honoring those murdered, advocating for the hostages or standing for the truth ... way short in what he did not say. He omitted who they were; he omitted where this happened; and he omitted why they were killed.

Listen again: We felt that at the Bataclan concert hall IN Paris. We felt that at the Manchester Arena IN England. We felt that at the Route 91 Harvest Music Festival IN Las Vegas. And, on October 7, we felt that again, when we heard the tragic news from the Supernova Music Festival for Love.

Where did the Supernova Music Festival take place, where did that tragedy occur? No mention! It’s as if Israel—the one and only Jewish state—is a dirty word, a political football, a divisive or taboo term.   

You may think I’m being a bit sensitive. At least Mason made mention of this tragedy and didn’t ignore it like so many others. He describes, “over 360 music fans lost their lives,” as if they died in an accident or natural disaster. They didn’t lose their lives, their lives were taken as they were brutally murdered. They were raped, tortured, and massacred, and it was not because they were “music fans,” it was because they were Israelis, because they were Jews!

Harvey Mason also spoke about the “tragic days” that have followed and the loss of “all innocent lives”—no doubt he was bemoaning the loss of Palestinian lives when Israel began to defend itself. This is not because the conflict that has 2 legitimate sides … but entirely and only because a barbaric terrorist organization—Hamas—attacked innocent civilians of Israel and uses Palestinians has human shields.

While the symbolism evoked by the string quartet is meaningful, it’s empty if not accompanied by substance. Peace will never come simply from Israelis and Palestinians playing music together. It will come when we can call evil by its name, when we can say out loud the difference between perpetrators and victims and when we don’t have to wordsmith statements to make them politically correct.

Am I expecting too much and being ungrateful? Could Mason not have used that moment, that STAGE, to say before the world: “Let them go,” or “Bring them home”? Is calling for the release of innocent women and children controversial? Is it politically incorrect or divisive? Is it too much to ask?

Contrast that to Montana Tucker, the renowned singer, songwriter and social-media influencer with millions of followers on TikTok and Instagram. You see this little yellow ribbon on my lapel worn by many for the hostages, well, forget about these subtle ribbons. Montana Tucker came to the Grammys wearing a big yellow ribbon across her chest, boldly displaying the message: “Bring Them Home!” [Show ... Obviously not a shul dress!]

I didn’t know who Montana was, so I googled her and found out to my surprise that besides being a media giant and despite her name, she is Jewish and a granddaughter of Holocaust survivors! She uses her platform for, among other things, to spread awareness and combat antisemitism. She even created a docu-series on her platforms about the Holocaust called: “How to Never Forget.” She said her Zaidy always wore a pin that said, “Never forget. Never again. I’m a survivor!” He passed away a few years ago. He would have been so proud!

She mentioned in an interview: I’ve had a lot of people come up to me saying, “Thank you so much for what you’re doing. You know I don’t want to risk my whole career and that’s why I don’t post, that’s why I don’t share as much, because I don’t want to risk my business and lose followers.”

She also said: You know it’s really a shame, but I knew that if I had the opportunity to do this for all of the hostage families—for all the Jews in Israel and around the world—then it was my responsibility.

Montana Tucker, all I can say is, “Wow!” Now—more than ever in our lifetimes—we need Jews like you to stand tall and firm, with pride, unapologetically, without insecurity about who we are, with confidence in what we deserve and what we stand for. We must never be satisfied with universalized messages against “all hate”—failing to say Jew or Israeli—instead of specifically calling out antisemitism. We must not tolerate moral equivalence—a lack of clarity of who is the aggressor and who is the victim. We must demand those who display hate against us be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. We must urge decent people everywhere to advocate for the release of our hostages immediately.

Today’s Torah portion has many laws of what is just and what is unjust. It goes as far as to tell us (Ex. 23:6-7) we must not pervert justice even to help a poor person. The Torah is emphatic: Midvar sheker tirchak (Distance yourself from falsehood). We must never tolerate falsehood and injustice—even, and I would add especially—against ourselves.

When we were liberated from Egypt, we were instructed to go to our Egyptian neighbors and ask for gold and silver—small compensation for hundreds of years of slavery. You see, Hashem wanted us to walk out not only with resources and wealth, but mostly with pride—knowing what we deserve, what we are entitled to and to have the courage to demand it.

Tomorrow night, I want all of us to watch the Superbowl—at least the beginning. We’ve all seen the commercials on tv with the little blue box asking us to Stand Up to Jewish Hate. They are from Robert Kraft’s—the owner of the New England Patriots—Foundation to Combat Antisemitism. One of the 1^st commercials at the Superbowl will be another of these pressing messages to the world. It cost him $7 million. That’s how much standing up to Jewish hate means to him.

My friends, the time has come to free ourselves from an apologetic, fearful mentality and stand up for who we are. We need more Jews like Montana Tucker and Robert Kraft. You see, when we respect ourselves, we’ll find others have greater respect for us as well. Amen!